November

I know what's missing in my life. I need to create. I need NaNo. November is going to be hell. The greatest hell ever. I will be so utterly exhausted, but it will be the exhaustion I enjoy so much: that specific kind of exhaustion that comes from spending every moment doing what you love.

I'm not doing what I love right now. I'm writing papers under impossible time constraints, limiting my freedom to truly create the profound essay I'd like; frantically trying to learn how to teach a theatre class to students who have no interest in theatre without losing the few who really do want to learn; cramming language and vocabulary into my head without building the natural, "native speaker" connections that'll make them stick under real-life pressure; and wishing desperately for Monday when I'll get to run another rehearsal. That's all I want. That's all I love.

It's scary, you know, realising that the one thing that's making everything else worth it is just a bunch of high school students who probably don't really care about you much. Not that they don't care, but they're not concerned with me the way I am them. They're not near giddy when they see me like I am them. It's insane. My whole existence right now is attached to them and this play. I need it; I need them!

November is going to be wonderful. In only a few weeks, we're going to cram in the blocking and choreography for the entire play. And while we're mercilessly cramming, I'll be a full time college student who is also writing a novel in a month. It will be amazing. I'll never have a moment to even stop and think, "Man, I am so tired!" I'll be too busy and too exhausted from creating so much.

I wish it were November.

Apparently, blogging daily means you have to do it every day. Who knew?

I promise I'll start writing more meaningful posts soon. I'm just exhausted lately. So very exhausted. And by the time I finally start writing my blog posts, sleep is starting to sound really good. It's really warm right now, for some odd reason. It's extremely early morning, and I'm sweating. Maybe I have a fever. Or maybe I have need-an-excuse-to-not-blog-itus.

It came to my attention (for the umpteenth time) today that NaNoWriMo is fast approaching. 18 days of October left, and the BAM! It's NaNoWriMo! That's little more than two weeks.

For those of you who don't know (and didn't already Google it to find out), NaNoWriMo is short for NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth. It's this crazy idea, really. You write a novel, defined as being at least 50K words, in one month. Absolutely insane. And I've been doing it for years. I love it. NaNoWriMo taught me how to write.

Well, no. I learned how to write in school, but NaNoWriMo taught me to forget all the rules I learned about writing and just get words onto paper. Or screen. Thanks to NanoWriMo, writing a play every summer isn't all that hard.

NaNoWriMo taught me how to overcome the mythical writer's block. It taught me how to just write without excuses. There are no excuses in NaNoWriMo. And there is no failing either. Every word is a success. I like to think that maybe, just maybe, this post is a success. I am exhausted, but I write anyway.

My thought are jumbling off I fall asleep. That sentence was wrong, but I feel it expressed how my head is quite really. Okay. Goodnight. Or morning. Or whatever it is. Good something. Better posts coming.

Discombobulation

I missed a day again, I know. Things have been crazy. I'm exhausted. I'm happy. I feel like I have a fever, but it's just because the weather got ridiculously hot again. And now it's supposed to rain tomorrow. Or today, I guess, by the time you read this.

The play I wrote is officially being put on at the school! I'm very happy. It was such a long day today. Yesterday. First day back to class (though only one of them), and then rushing off to meet with the principal, only to have him tell me that I needed to go talk to the drama teacher and after school program, as I had been doing since LAST YEAR, and got sent over to him by them. So I went back to the after school program, found out why the guy in charge last year stopped answering my questions about working with the after school program: he wasn't part of it anymore. Whatever. The new guy was easy to work with, totally on board pretty much immediately, once we determined that I could meet basic requirements for working for the program. He said he liked people who were passionate about what they do. I think I'm passionate.

I need a new paragraph. So then I ran in my heels and aching spine straight to the choir room, happily announced that the play was happening (I already knew the drama teacher was behind me), and started getting information out to students. The bell rang, it was the next class, I gave information to those students too, and then I finally ran off (yes, ran again) to the drama teacher, got bombared with hugs from old classmates, and gave him the script. More information distribution, running around, etc. for another hour at least.

By the time I got home, I had to lay down. So exhausted. I still am. And my brain is really exhausted. I was going on adrenaline almost the entire day, since I didn't actually have the energy to do all I did today with my body being such a mess. It's like spending money you don't have. Now I've got these nasty bills to deal with and no money to pay them with. Except it's energy, not money.

I'm staying home tomorrow. Maybe I'll be able to think more clearly and write something interesting, rather than this rambling nonsense.

Sorry about the lack of post yesterday. I was up all night working on the script and not blogging. And then I crashed. And I'm about to crash again right now, so this post is done. Happy Wednesday?