First off, let me say that yes, I do realise how blasphemous this post is. I am well aware that a great number of people would put my Christianity into question for this post. Actually, plenty would say I am not Christian at all: a sinner, a blasphemer, going to hell, unloved by God. Fine.
The Harry Potter series often serves as, for lack of a better term, a bible for me. I'm not here to discuss all of the parallels, symbolism, and theology, but these books have served as a guide for me for many years. And not only do the books provide guidance, but "wrock," the music of Harry Potter created by fans, again and again somehow can pull me out of the hard stuff.
Saturday's prayer day retreat was great, up until it was too great: repressed memories and buried emotions came up at last. It was more than I could handle. I spent my Saturday night crying. I talked to a friend to calm my self down enough to sleep, but I was a mess all over again Sunday morning. The music was beautiful (I was singing), and the sermon was even more so. And then I did something stupid: I decided to go to the side after Communion for the "laying on of hands"/healing which is available every Sunday; I decided to admit that I was a great big mess. Of course, you're supposed to tell the priest what's going on so they can give you a personal prayer, but that was more admitting than I could do, and I pretty much just sputtered incoherent nonsense. So much for holding it together. I was a complete wreck for an hour or two after, but I managed to pull myself together enough to get through a Super Bowl party (my first football game in years!) and get home.
At last, a song called "Ascendio" by the Ministry of Magic came up on one of my playlists while I wasn't paying attention, and then, immediately, the very first words grabbed me: "How could I be more than just an orphan, more than just a burden without a home?" Harry Potter flooded my being, and I cried (jeeze, I sound like such an emotional wreck) right along with him, wondering how I could be anything more than a burden.
The problem I have with the Bible (okay, so I could probably lodge a few complaints) is that it is missing nearly all of Jesus' life. For a man who's supposed to be my connection to God, I really don't know how to connect to him sometimes. I get that it's all about the miracle of Jesus' birth, his teachings, and then his sacrifice/death and resurrection, but for an all-purpose guide for my "journey of faith," it sure seems to be missing the whole journey of its main character. Isn't that my example? How can I live like Jesus when I don't know what 19-year-old Jesus was like?
But I suppose that's the beauty, isn't it? Our journeys are unique; had the Bible laid out all of Jesus' journey, it would have made other journeys seem "lesser" or even "wrong." The Bible says to love and teaches how to love, but it doesn't give up step-by-step instructions. It just says, "Build an airplane"; you get to find your own building materials and make your own path. "There is more than one path to enlightenment."
The journey of Harry Potter, all of the pain and fear and hate and injustice and evil with which he is faced, is a journey much like mine. I may not live in a cupboard under the stairs, my parents might be living, and no dark wizard is running around trying to murder me, but I can so deeply relate to his desperation to be good, to be loved, to be "more than just a burden," and to his fear of being like Voldemort, of being evil. While I know those are pretty universal ideas, Harry and I are connected on levels I cannot comprehend. And Harry brings me closer to God, to Jesus. In understanding Harry, I begin to understand myself, and in understanding myself, I begin to understand God. I think the Holy Spirit knows what it's doing.
"I'm not a burden, not good for nothing; I am The Boy Who Lived, the one to save the world."
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