Will You Heed the Call?

One half of my family is Catholic, and the other is Presbyterian, but I was raised in an Evangelical school. I had no clue there were any differences between the different Christian denominations growing up, mostly because I didn't even know there were different denominations. The words got thrown around, but were never processed. What I knew of Christianity was limited to my Evangelical school, as my family provided very little religious guidance to me. (Actually, I provided the religious guidance in the family with my constant desire to pray, read the Bible, and talk about God; I have always been incredibly drawn to religion and spirituality.)

So coming out was painful. Evangelical Christianity was clear on homosexuality, and my school was no different: I was a sinner. My declaration of my sexuality was a blatant defiance and rejection of faith. And I was thus no longer under God's grace, until I could deny my sexuality and live in accordance with what God wanted. No one offered me help, only condemnation. It was up to me to figure it out, and I knew immediately that I would never be able to convince God that I was straight. God knew me; I could not hide from God. In coming out, God ceased to be the loving, protective, embracing God I had known and needed. In coming out, God became an angry, hateful, condemning God of wrath I feared. Painful does not even being to describe how much the battle between my faith and my sexuality tore me apart. I am still not healed.

I read the religion section of the Huffington Post almost every day, in addition to the basic news and politics. I love reading all of the varying ideas about faith, religion, and spirituality, and often want to just share every article on there. But nothing comes close to this article, which does not possess great insight or revolutionary ideas in the least. Instead, it is a brief article on the beginnings of what seems to be Evangelical Christianity's coming acceptance, inclusion, and embracement of homosexuality. I started crying as I read the article, and have stopped many times while writing this entry just to regain my composure. Had just one person in my Evangelical Christian community dared to tell me that I deserved full acceptance and inclusion, that I was just as deserving of love as my straight peers, within Christianity and that my sexuality did not separate me from God or make God furious with and hate me, I would have been spared incredible amounts of suffering. If only just one person told me that my sexuality and my spirituality could coexist in harmony, not war. If only.

I would love, more than anything, to hear that even now, though I don't need to hear it to know that the God I have faith in loves me exactly the way I am, gay, straight, or upside-down. I would cry, just to be accepted in the place I had so desperately needed to be accepted as a child. I am stronger now because of my struggle, but I desperately hope that Evangelical Christianity, and indeed all peoples, will heed and echo the call to accept, include, and embrace, regardless of sexual and gender identity so that no one else ever need suffer the way I did. 

Please, I beg you, accept, include, and embrace.