Ersatz Eloquence

Dearest Loyal Readers,

For the past few weeks, I've been pretty whiny and irresponsible. I've been moody and lazy and feel like most of my posts have just been me rambling on about stupid things. And it's not just my blog. I've missed classes, not done homework, laid around a lot, and gotten others to do stuff for me because I couldn't be bothered. In other words, I've sucked. Admitting how much I've sucked these past few weeks is hard; I'm fighting the urge to delete this with every word.

My sucky self would like you to know that this is only because my body is sore and stiff and I have no decent way around any more. It wants you to know that this isn't how I "usually" am, that I'm "normally" a much better person, truly incredible and all.

But my sucky self makes a lot of excuses and doesn't do anything to change. I'm not a fan of my sucky self. On the surface, it's a lot easier to be my sucky self, but it always ends up being miserable. And misery leads to suckiness.

So I've decided I want to be more, be better. I'm swearing right here, up on the internet for the whole world to see, that I am going to man up and deal with the stupid "problem" I've turned into my excuse. I'm going to make a doctor's appointment, save up money, buy lights for my bike, and get used to biking around my hilly hometown in the meantime. My parents can't afford to get another car, and our insurance company is so bogged down that it'll likely be months before we see a penny, so it's on me to pay. So what if my lack-of-car is, by law, 0% my fault? It's not my parents' fault either.

Loyal readers, I promise you that I'm taking ownership of my actions over the past few weeks and I'm going to do something about me. I can't possibly think I deserve the right to lead or influence anyone when I cannot lead my own self. Please hold me to my words; I'm going to take care of myself and stop letting stupid excuses stop me from doing the things I must.

Thank God it's Friday. Only one class today, a long-needed a visit with a good friend, and then free time to write the 10-page paper due in less than a week that I haven't even started researching. And I'll set up my doctor's appointment.