The In Between

I didn't even notice I missed last Tuesday. And yesterday! I'm in the in between right now. I'll probably miss at least one more in the coming week or two. All because I'm in the in between right now.

I function best when incredibly busy. I get things done incredibly fast. I do anything and everything. I am superman.

I can be laid back too. I can relax and just let things happen. This was my late summer/early autumn. I had things to do, and I got them done when necessary, but I spent a lot of time just relaxing, laughing, not doing anything too incredibly important or time sensitive.

I am in the between right now. Half of me is laying on a beach somewhere, just listening to the sound of the rebellious waves crashing upon the sand and then receding right back into the ocean. It's so beautiful and peaceful the way the ocean always lets the rebellious waves back, always welcomes them with open arms no matter what. But half of me has no time for the beach, no time to contemplate metaphors about waves and sand and vast oceans which have little to do with what is happening right now. That half has more important things to do, and it's doing everything at lighting speed.

I think you can see where this is going. My head is chaos right now. The conflicting halves are undergoing a power struggle, a change of leadership. The busy half needs to get the relaxed half in gear and moving. Add in the effects to my cognitive function of what shall henceforth be called That Friday, and my head is just everywhere now. A complete mess. A missed blog post is completely unsurprising and not the only thing I've spaced out on or missed. I'm not even really sure what I've missed.

And my body is fatigued. I'm physically not used to functioning at this speed. I'm out of shape. I'm questioning whether I have put too much on my plate. Clearly, my mind can't handle this, my psyche can't handle this, and my body definitely can't handle this.

But soccer taught me a lot growing up. The first week or few of a season would be hell. I'd feel like giving up all the time. My body wanted to quit. "Hell week" seemed to burn worse every year. But then my muscles would learn, and I was stronger, faster, tougher. Hell week paid off, and each year I was a better player.

The in between is real life hell week. I have to push myself beyond my current limits so I might grow and learn. I have to put more on my plate than I can carry so I can learn to carry all I have on my plate. More than full time student, director of a high school theatre program (that's only in its second year), novel editor (I'll tell you guys about this later), member of two separate families, lead singer of a band, church goer, and a member of society. It's a lot to handle, but I'll push through this transition and learn to handle the new pressures and requirements of me.