I awoke shaking. My heart rattled my rib cage, and the putrid smell of my own sweat engulfed me. Fear. I could barely breathe. And I reached for my phone, desperate to call someone and find that the world was filled with more than just strangers, but it was not there. The fear swelled up greater still. I leapt from my bed to find that my legs would not hold me. And I crashed to the floor, weak and helpless, beginning to cry.
I don't know how long I stayed there, crying in misery, too weak to withstand the terror of my dream. Perhaps it was a few minutes, but it was more likely years. Years and years of lying in fear, in desperation. Alone! alone, alone, alone.
At last, I clasped my hands together and whispered to the no one that surrounded me. The only sound was the echo of my own voice and my tired breathing. But a nothing sort of something replied. My legs stirred beneath me and brought me back to my feet. And they carried me from home through dark, empty streets. I should have worried, but the silent reply hushed my fearful thoughts.
And then, suddenly, it was day. I was in the middle of a busy street. People called out to each other-- people with faces! My heart danced. But they did not see me. Cars whizzed straight through me. And soon, I realised I was still alone. Angry, I cursed the nothing that replied, cursed my legs for carrying me, cursed the blind people who could not see me.
And the nothing spoke, voiceless, within the caverns of my mind, suddenly and with fierceness. The nothing spoke without words, without sound, without movement. The nothing merely was. But I was filled with understanding, having received nothing to understand. And my soul, for it lacked a physical home, seemed to explode out of my chest, and I watched as the entire street was ripped apart by the ethereal eruption. I became bodiless.
And as I drifted higher, I realised I had died. My body was in pieces, barely recognisable, and the people rushed to see if it was someone they knew. But upon finding my shattered flesh to belong to someone unknown, they continued about their days, unfazed.
And, at last, I understood that I had always been walking amongst the world in an endless sea of strangers, for who knew me? Who would recognise me, now drifting higher and higher away from the faceless beings? Who would remember that I had ever been anything else?
And the nothingness welcomed me, surrounding and embracing me. And, at last, I was not alone.
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